i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
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I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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