I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
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We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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