Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
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I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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