i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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