I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
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Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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