i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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