I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize