please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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