so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
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the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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