OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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