Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
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Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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