God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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