She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
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Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
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It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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