I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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