Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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