All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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