Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
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I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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