Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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