he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
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I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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