weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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