You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize