I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
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At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
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So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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