The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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