It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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