They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
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Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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