return my video game
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize