What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
i believe in u and ur pee
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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