just survived the first fart of the relationship.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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