Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
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It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
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He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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