Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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