I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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