Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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