just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
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I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
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I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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