Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
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