what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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