Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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