If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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