Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize