Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
The feeling are messing with the penis
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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