I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
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and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
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Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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