my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize