beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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