I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize