FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Dear god my vagina.
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