my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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