Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize