Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize