Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
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Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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