I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im six kinds of drunk right now
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize