i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
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i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
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So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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